A lot of divorced fathers feel like visitors in their children lives. When you see your children for a few hours - and on Sunday I saw them for all of four and a half hours - you cannot help but wonder what 'their real life' is.
I am fiercely protecting some of the things they like to do when they are with me. I took them ice skating for the first time last year and they loved it, so most of our Sundays together now involve two hours of ice skating. They skate and I watch. (I am sort of planning lessons but I have not quite got round to it, a problem with my feet means that I may have to use two different skates).
Watching them skate tells me a lot about how they tackle things. My eldest is more confident but less thorough, my youngest is less confident but more determined and very accurate. Unfortunately her lack of self confidence shows every time she has to face a challenge, she is only seven, but getting out of her comfort zone is an adventure she'd rather avoid. If we are lucky she winges... if we are not we have tears.
I am fiercely protecting some of the things they like to do when they are with me. I took them ice skating for the first time last year and they loved it, so most of our Sundays together now involve two hours of ice skating. They skate and I watch. (I am sort of planning lessons but I have not quite got round to it, a problem with my feet means that I may have to use two different skates).
Watching them skate tells me a lot about how they tackle things. My eldest is more confident but less thorough, my youngest is less confident but more determined and very accurate. Unfortunately her lack of self confidence shows every time she has to face a challenge, she is only seven, but getting out of her comfort zone is an adventure she'd rather avoid. If we are lucky she winges... if we are not we have tears.
If I had to choose what to give to my daughters, confidence in themselves would top the list. Raised by a mother who thought that self confident people were arrogant and therefore not acceptable, I always lacked the confidence to do it and yet I had the ambition and the drive to do it. My first reaction was - and is - to run away. To this day I still think I cannot make my voice heard. Going through divorce with my support network in another country did not help change that attitude, and I am fairly stuck in my personal limiting belief.
So what can I do to make sure I have daughters who know themselves and are confident in what they can achieve ? How can I turn them into people who have dreams and also know that if they make plans and work hard enough they can fulfill their dreams ? (I am not sure I did)
Given that you cannot drip feed self confidence, how can I contribute to building theirs when all I have is a few hours a week (twelve when I get my full allocation) ? And whilst we are on the subject how can I teach the more confident one to be more determined ?
And all of this with only a few hours a week
I am sure superdad would find a way. Cool superdad would know just what to say and do. I don't!
If anybody reads this, I would like to hear their point of view.
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